After
about 3 and a half year, I went to my college again today. It was a wonderful experience
and I’m finding it difficult to explain how overwhelmed I felt to be back in
college after so many years.
I
stayed and roamed there for about 2 hours. I should thank my sister for giving
me the opportunity to be back in my college. She had invited me to be her ‘Subject’
for her psychology practical examination (Hey don’t get wired thoughts ok?? :@ she
is still a student and all her experiments deal with the IQ, concentration, fatigue,
suggestiveness and I don’t remember the other experiment’s names :P :D ). I was
lucky to get the suggestiveness (I did it well :P got 30% means that I don’t
blindly take in suggestions without verification of things 8-) ). After she
finished her experiment with me, I came out and I had 1.30 hrs to wait for her
to completely complete her practical; so, till then I had time to go around my
college.
As
I stepped out of the Psychology department it started to drizzle and you know?
it was ‘AWESOME’ and then it started to rain and it was ‘Out-of-the-World’ ;D I
went near the chapel first and sat on the bench under the Big trees :D and I was
admiring my college with all it’s lush green beauties. When it started to rain
heavily I had to go and stand under a strong roof L so, went and stood near my Library. I love
my library. More than my college canteen, I had spent most of the time in
library. When I went near the library…from out I was able to smell the aroma of
the books :D :P and felt very happy.
Bench Near the Chapel
Clock Tower in front of the Library
When the force of the rain decreased a
little bit I went to my Physics department in the ‘SCIENCE BLOCK’…my science blockJJJ. When I went into the department I felt
the whole lot of college memories in the block rush into my mind (classes,
experiment, lecturers, lab assistants, friends, jokes and silly fights). The
classrooms and the staff room were locked and no one was there, but still I
felt very happy.
Science Block - Left View
Science Block - Front View
Science Block - Right View
Science Block Entrance
Stair case inside Science Block
Staff Room - Physics Department
Archway - Physics Department
Inside Since Block - Physics Department
I
went to the Nestle and Kara kiosk and had iced lemon tea from Nestle and bought
two pens (black and red) as memento from the kara kiosk :P :P (I know, I went
crazy looking at my college after 3.5 yrs…so got such funny ideas).
Nestle and Kara Kiosk
After
that I went to Auditorium, the most beautiful auditorium I have ever seen ;)
even if there were other auditorium better than my college auditorium, I would
never accept it. :P coz, this is my college auditorium. While I sat near the
auditorium I remembered all the memories of my college culturals, department
culturals and also the time which I spent inside it as sound engineer during
Assembly hours. After sometime, few other juniors came :P and they were talking
everything about college except studies and subject (Naturally, very predictable
;)). I was silently laughing within myself hearing their hilarious conversations.
One girl even tried mimicking her subject professor (should accept, she did
quiet a good mimickery) and I was enjoying it :D ;)
Here I stood - Outside Library
Entrance of My Library
My Auditorium
Audi Entrance
Then
finally I went to my college canteen and rest of the time I spent it there. The
canteen was run by new caterer (I previously heard from my sister that food in
canteens is appreciably good). There
were new Chat and Juice counters too. I ordered for Katchori chenna and after
that I had tea. Tea was really flavorsome (Masala Tea) and I really loved it
very much (adding to it, was rain which poured beautifully outside ;) It was
real fun).
Canteen
The New Juice and Chat stalls
Katchori Chnna :P
Masala Chai :D ;)
After
that I wailed away my time looking at other girls in the canteen (again brought
to me, many memories of my college life). When I was in college I was really
very timid and silent, so didn’t enjoy much as most of the other girls but I felt
happy for what I am now. When my sister came to the canteen after completing
her exam, we had to start together to come back home. I felt little sad to
leave my college but I can’t stay there for ever. I thanked God for giving me
this chance to see my college and hoped that he would someday give one more
beautiful chance like this.
March 19th and 20th I’ll be in Shirdi. Am feeling very happy to even think of being in Shirdi. Shirdi is the only place where my heart feels at home. I am going to see my “Sai Baba” again. Baba has changed my life in many ways. He has given me everything that I had asked for. I need to thank him now for always being with me. My life has changed to a great deal since last year and it’s just because of the God’s love for me, but even after having all these I still feel detached. There is still pain in my heart. God you do so many things to keep me happy but I do not want to live, my enjoyment is not here but it’s with you. Father, even now I would say that my greatest Joy would be to reach you. Earth is nothing but material pleasure. There is no happiness without pain, no gain without a loss. This is a fake world, it just keeps balancing itself between positive and negative; and, you are the One who keep balancing it for reasons which no one knows. You teach great deal, you tempt with happiness and see if we are able to accept the sadness which comes along with it. You want us to see both happiness and sadness in the same way. You want us to become neutral (detached) with this world. God, I would like to say this to you. I do not have courage on my own to face all these things. I do not know, how I had survived all this through these many years. I do not know what you have planned for my future. I plead you not to test me more. My heart is weak and I know nothing but to cry, please give me strength and please let me hold on to my faith on you for now and forever.
This picture of Baba teaches me to live simple and learn to stay neutral with the worldly changes.
I pretend most of the time to be happy but I really feel very empty inside and miserable. I haven’t found the meaning of my life. When I research I just find nothing. I was ambitious, I dreamt a lot but at the end it just remains as a dream, “A Dream of Nothingness”. Now am even fed of the word “dream”. I don’t know why am so angry and unhappy with my life. Maybe it’s because of the unexpected things that have turned out lately which has bruised my faith or maybe it is because of my fear of future. Whatever it is I want to shout out loudly to God and say, “God I feel totally lost!” “What is that for, you sent me here?” I remember once my friend in college say a proverb “Always expect the most unexpected”. At that time I didn’t agree with her, I thought that faith could change anything. If we have strong faith we would be able to see drops of rain even during drought. I thought that I will decide my future. God loves me and he will give me all that I ask him with faith. He will guide my thoughts and also me. But now, I am just lost with my faith. Sometimes time teases me, it calls me a “Fool”. Am I really a fool to have had blind faith on God? God, was the one who taught me to hold on to my faith. He consoled me and gave me all that I asked him, but now, its just “Foolishness”? My heart doesn’t wants to accept this and I will never accept this too. It's like how a man’s eye would feel when he is seeing the sun after being in darkness, “Totally blurred!”. I don’t want to face my future. I would be happy if God takes me now with him, because I do not want to live. I do not want to live in this “nothingness”. I do not like my 13 to 40 years of my age. I wish I had options to skip these years of my life.
I love to smile and crack stupid silly jokes. I do all sorts of crazy things. I like to see the colorful side of life.
Want to know the real meaning of ‘Joy’? Ask me..! And I’ll tell you where to find it..!
The job which I can do very easily is to laugh and make others laugh.
Sometimes I think of nothing else but“GOD”
Nothing gives me happiness like the way the prayer gives me. I feel that this World is just not true and that which is true is away from me and I want to reach Him and He is the Supreme Being, the Truth.
The One who created me. I belong to him and staying away from him is giving me unbearable sadness.
When I want to cry, I don’t search for my mom but I search for God. I love him and only him. I see my mom and dad in him alone. No one can take his place in my heart. He is the truth and I love him the most.
I always keep saying, “God this World is not meant for me. I am meant to be with you. Why don’t you take me away with you? I can’t take it anymore. This world is full of jealousy, hatred, violence etc. which I don’t like. I fear that if am here I might also turn bad. So please take me away with you. I want to hug him once and cry my heart out.”
Sometimes I am just “B/W”
Sometimes I just want to turn away from this world..!
When I see people giving more importance to money, when I see ego, when I see people fight….I just feel like running away from this world. I feel frustrated. Why don’t they see the other part of life?
I have so much to say, but everything is locked within me. Coz I don’t find anyway to express them.
ya! Crying! That too in darkness. When others don’t see it. ;)
One half of me likes to jabber..but the other half likes nothing but silence.
I feel the closeness of God when am silent. This is the language which I use, tospeak with God. Not all things can be said using words.........there are lots which can be even said and understood in silence. God understands the depth of my silence and I like it the most. I even wish that my other half was silent too.
This is yet another beautiful song which describes life just as it is......whenever you feel sad and depressed just remember this..........
This earth has been seeing many tears and yet it continues to live. Everyone born on this earth has to leave it one day or the other. We do not even have the power to change over our own fate. Only God who made us will finally take us away with him. There is no use of craving for worldly things since, when we leave this earth, we will take nothing at all with us.
This world is just a battlefield. The pain and sorrow is just temporary. What is true is Death. Face whatever comes to you with courage because at the end it doesn't matter if you win or loose. God will take away whatever he has created and good or bad will be finally judged by him.
During darkness even our own shadow will leave us.......this is a fact....remember it, we are our only companion. Nothing or no one will stay with us till the end. If you need to put on lots of fake masks, then just put it on. Live it and leave it coz nothing is going to last forever.
This is one of my most favorite song. The meaning of the song goes like this,
God gave this beautiful life...
This world is his house...
close ur eyes.... and praise the God!!
There are hearts overflowing with mercy!!
There are hands which wipe off ur tears!!
Long live (hearts and hands) for hundreds of years!!!
Wht did we get here (to this world)
Wht are we going to carry there (to the next world after death)
Life itself is a beauty.... Let us live that in affection and leave this world!!!
God gave this beautiful life...
This world is his house...
close ur eyes.... and praise the God!!
In this world... There are enough reasons to celebrate...
In this life... I dont have any short-falls...
To the extent to which life calls.... (ohh.. ughhh)
Male: To the extent to which life calls, we will travel....
When we need to bid adieu, we will say that thro our smile...
Oh happiness.... let it be always there without even a small reduction...
I would like to describe about one incident which happened in my life. When I was in my Collage, I was in the sounds committee. On every Tuesday we used to have Assembly hour, where eminent speakers used to come and give lectures on their area of specialization. Some times we just used to have some good program arranged by our own college students. Our college is very famous for its Psychology study and it had its own ChildDevelopmentCenter where many mentally challenged kids are taken care.
So, it happened that, on one Tuesday we had a program arranged by the Psychology students. They planned to bring those kids and introduced them to the rest of the college and also give a bird’s eye view of the trauma the children and their parents were undergoing. When it was time for the Assembly hour that day, students started entering the auditorium and my Friend and I went backstage to make arrangements for the mikes. I didn’t have any idea about the program. After making all arrangements we were waiting for the program to start. At that time, students brought in those kids backstage and made them sit. I was so surprised and happy to see them. If am not wrong, I guess there were 15 kids. They all sat quietly except for few. The program started and the psychology students brought the kids one by one onstage and introduced him/her to the students in the auditorium. They were even describing about the way in which each child was challenged and how they worked to make the kid learn the very basic things like eating, identifying colors, speaking basic words etc. The children had to struggle to do the things which we carelessly did. As I was hearing to that I almost had tears. At that time I started to think..?????
Why did God make them mentally challenged..??? Are we so lucky that we are able to do all things so easily? I felt were sad for those kids.
Now when I think of it, I have this in my mind……
Do we, having our entire senses right see the blessings which God has given us? No, we keep grumbling about things all the time. We behave very selfishly. We live in the world of fantasy and see only the artificial side of life. We see to our own well being. We take all the blessing of God for granted and feel that whatever is happening is happening because of ourselves and our own capabilities. We keep running behind money, wealth, fame, power, achievements, beauty etc…….! We feel disappointed when we don’t get what we desired for. We feel unhappy for thousands of reasons everyday. If we don’t like someone, we show utter hatred towards them. But do those children feel all these..??? So isn’t it a fact that actually we are the mentally challenged ones..???
We are really lucky to live the life we are living. But the question is that, are we worth being lucky? hmmmm…….most of the time the answer is ‘No’ or maybe unless we change our outlook towards this life the answer to this question will remain as ‘NO’ for ever.
How can we make ourselves worthy? The answer which I realized is that, we can make ourselves worthy by appreciating every little thing that God has created and also by feeling HAPPY about the very self we are. Let us let go our ego and show kindness to all. God is in everybody so why should we show hatred on others. Let us be happy every moment we live. Happiness or Sadness depends on the way we take it. There are lots of people in this world who are in a very helpless state. Why not we try to help them? Service to mankind is service to God. There are lots of wonderful things we can do with the life God has given us. When we keep thinking about ourselves we feel that we are the only ones who are facing the sadness but when we look at people who are suffering more than us, we will learn that we are very lucky to be what we are.
God loves the person who shows kindness and love to other even when he himself is facing bad times. God’s love is ‘the greatest’ which one can achieve in this life. Its worth more than any amount, earthly love, fame, power etc……..so let us strive to achieve that immense love which God has for us. Let us make an effort to serve the needy and the helpless. Many of us have plenty of money but we lack inner peace. We spend lavishly for useless things or for just self enjoyment. So, why don’t we use the money for a useful cause like educating a needy child or sponsoring food and clothing for them? For some of us who don’t have much money to give, why don’t we spend our time for the helpless? These are the ways by which we can make our lives worthy of being lucky.
I have a desire to serve mentally challenged kids. But as of now I don’t know how I’ll do it. But am sure God will give me the opportunity to serve them. I have decided to follow all that I have said in the above paragraph, with God’s blessings am hereby taking an oath to make my life ‘worthy to be lucky’.
