When will I see you again?

Everyone around me was happy. They were overjoyed to see me. My mom took me in her hands and kissed me, but I was crying. No one was ever able to guess why I was crying. But I know the reason. I was crying because I wanted to go back to my Father. My Father, the King of kings, the king of both Heaven and Earth.

The Land of Heaven is the land of joy, tranquility and peace. Everything is beautiful there, the angels, rivers, evergreen trees and things that are above all human imagination. My father lives in the magnificent pulchritudinous Palace. How will I ever be able to describe the glory of the land created by my Father?

My Father loves me a lot. His touch and his feel are still alive in my heart. Once when after playing in the fields, I went to my palace. My Father was waiting for me near the entrance. He smiled at me with his ever charming smile, when he saw me running towards him. He is all powerful and mighty; No evil can ever stand before him; Demons flee to his sound; He is love and serenity personified. I was fully messed up, but my father didn’t complain about that. He said “Dear, I have been waiting for you since ages. Where have you been?” I hugged him tightly and kissed him and explained him all that I did for the day. As I was telling him about how I was playing in the fields, he took me inside and made me sit on his lap. He fed me with his own hands like he always does. Then after playing with me and after listening to all that I wanted to say, he took me to my room and made me sleep. As he was caressing my head he said “Dear, time has come for you to take your test. You need to go to the earth” I didn’t understand what my Father was saying. I kept looking at him for him to continue. He after another pause kissed me and said “Good Night Child” and stood up. I held his hands and asked him “Father, are you going to send me far away, Away from you forever?” Father smiled at me and said “You will be back here soon dear, never panic, Even if am not near you. I will keep protecting you all the time. But you will need to take the test alone” “You are going to the earth on a purpose and when your purpose is fulfilled, you will be back with me forever.” Tears were rolling out of my eyes; I didn’t want to go away from my Father. He kissed me on my forehead and left the room. For the first time I felt some kind of a deep feeling for which I didn’t even know the name. Saying to myself that I won’t go away from my Father again and again, I feel asleep.

I opened my eyes and saw my father placing me into a warm chamber. I didn’t understand what my Father was doing but then I remember all that my Father said. Tears started flowing from my eyes again, I said “Father, don’t do this to me. I don’t want to go away from you” Father looked at me and said “Dear, I love you and will always be there to protect you from all harm and danger” I saw a strong feel of love in his lovely eyes, I stopped crying. Then he put me into a long slumber. When I opened my eyes I felt everything changed around me. I missed my father and wanted to go back to Him, I was crying. I didn’t know how to explain to everyone that I wanted to go back to my Father. My land is not this but it’s in the world above. After so many years, now, still, I have the same feeling burning powerfully in my heart, the feeling of forlornness. I keep looking outside the window, into the sky longingly to go back to my word above, to see my Father once again.

When the grave speaks

On a bright day, I was walking with my loved ones chatting happily. The sky was clear and the huge trees bordered the sides of the road. It was all so very beautiful. I was overjoyed, I felt very light at heart. I heard the chirping of the birds and also saw beautiful butterflies fluttering near the bloom. I was feeling very lucky about myself and for all that I had. I was laughing heartily and enjoyed the love of my loved ones.

When I was laughing, I suddenly found everything becoming dark. The clear sky was getting covered with thick layer of dark and heavy clouds. I turned around to look at my loved ones but they were not in sight. They had all disappeared. I was utterly confused. I didn’t know what was going around me. The road became dry and cracked all over. I looked at the trees which were dead now. The lustrous greenery was missing. I also couldn’t hear the sound of the birds. My bewilderment was creating a panic in my heart. I called out for my loved ones but to my disappointment I couldn’t see nor hear anybody around me. The air was becoming very chill and I started to shiver. The wind started blowing violently. I was horrified. I was praying that all these should end immediately. I wanted to see the light and my loved ones again. I kept searching for them all the time but couldn’t find them at all. At that very moment I felt some force pulling me hard in forward direction. I could neither stop my legs nor was able to call for help.

The force pulled me toward a tall gate and stopped me there. The gate was covered with deadly creepers and moss. All of a sudden the gate opened inwards making a high pitch squeaky noise and the bats started to make odd sounds and fluttered away from their hibernating trees. My heart skipped a beat and I felt an urge to run away from that place at that very instance. I was crying but couldn’t wipe my own tears. My hands became numb. It was a “Graveyard”.

Once again I felt the force; it was now pushing me inside the yard. I heard the owl hoot. My body started to shiver but I was sweating out. Over the other end of the graveyard I saw a bright light glowing from a digging in the ground. The force kept pushing me towards it. Along the path I kept tumbling over skulls and bones. Tears were flowing from my eyes but I couldn’t help it. I was too weak to fight against the force. When I reached the digging I saw a ghastly figure lying inside. It was all white. I was scared to death and was gasping for air. I felt like my heart had stopped functioning. After a few minutes the figure rose from the digging and flew towards me. I felt hopeless; I wanted to collapse that very instant. I stood there stiff like a lifeless statue. As the figure came close to me, I felt my eyes open wide in astonishment. It was “Me”. My face and body were white and wrinkled and was like thick white vapor. I was seeing through it. It came close to me and I saw its eyes open and then heard it ask in a deadly tone “What have you brought for me?” it held me by my shoulders and again repeated the same words. I couldn’t move. My head started aching very badly and it was becoming unbearable. Then it shuck me violently and said “Tell me, what you have brought for me? Tell me…..Tell me……….TELL ME!” I felt a deadly longingness in its voice. I started crying. I wanted to free myself from its hold. I forced my mouth to utter “Nothing” Its eyes grew bigger after hearing the word nothing. It looked at me and after a long unbreakable silence it started to laugh. Little by little its laughter grew violent and ear piercing. The bats stated to flutter all over the place. It said “Nothing?” “Just Nothing to the grave?” and started laughing again “ha ha ha ha haaaaa………………………….” The noise was unbearable. I closed my eyes crying hopelessly and sank to the ground.

I was disturbed, felt as if I was violently shaken. When I opened my eyes, I saw my loved ones standing around me looking at me worried. I looked around and saw those green trees, butterflies and birds. I was still sweating and breathing hard. Everyone around me was asking me what had happened to me but I was not able to reply them coz I was still not out of the deadly vision. Tears were flowing from my eyes and I was feeling weak and nervous. I kept looking at them with despair. They were impelling me to speak and at the end I said “Nothing!” but this time there was something behind this nothing. I wiped my tears and tried to force a smile, nodded my head and again repeated “Nothing!” They all were relieved and continued to walk happily chatting like before. I was with them smiling but this time I had the vision of My Ghost flashing in my inward eye and the word Nothing kept ringing in my head.

Childishness is a boon :)

When people say that Life is not a dream, it’s not all so easy to live; we need to strive for success. We need to be serious about life. Yes, all these are true up to an extent. But one thing we forget while we try to excel in life is to smile and share our joy with others. Life is always filled with happiness and joy; there are thousands of reasons to smile. There are plenty of things which tickle us to laughter. But then why don’t we smile? Why don’t we laugh? It’s all because of the fear we have within us. We fear to be different from others. We fear to show the childish feelings within us coz we fear that others might think that we have lost our nuts. But this is absolutely absurd. Why at all should we fear for others? Does a child fear to smile? Does it worry about what’s going on around it? No, the way a child looks at the world is different from what a grown up sees. A grown up is confined to principles, procedures and rules. His thoughts are barred. He lives the way the society wants him to live. He lives more for others than for himself and in this process of satisfying others expectations he losses his own identity. He doesn’t have the guts to think beyond the usual. But a child is not like that, it sees happiness, joy, fun and opportunity in everything it does. It does whatever it feels like doing. That’s called real guts. As we grow up we start experiencing the different colors of life. We meet both good and bad people. We are influenced by them. We start confining our thoughts like “This is what I am here for, I need to do only these things, I need to do it only in this particular way and only then people will appreciate my work”. We become serious….very serious..!

Hamm……My thoughts are not confined. Coz people say that I’m childish; and yes, I see things in a different way. I like to smile and I like to laugh. Very Little things trickle me to laughter. I speak my heart. When I am in a crowd, I don’t worry about what others think about me. But I am always engaged in exploring opportunities available to me. I do what my heart says is right. Childishness is not foolishness but as I name it, it’s called real guts. Gut to express your feelings, emotions and thoughts. I am proud that I have that guts. Why should I confine my thoughts? Why should I behave like others? If I had to live like others then why did God make me? I am made the way God wanted me to be. I have the guts to ask the world questions and also to get appropriate answers for all my questions. If I am able to impress people easily then what is the problem? Is it that I am able to express myself clearly? When people say that you still don’t know the complications of life, I wonder, why should I know it in the first place? If I start knowing the complications of life then I’ll start fearing for every little thing I do. I stop thinking differently. But I don’t want to be a coward. If I go wrong, I know that I have the courage to correct my mistakes and learn what is right. So, I don’t what to limit my thoughts. As H. W. Longfellow says “Be not like a dumb driven cattle, but be a hero in the strife.” So I am happy that I am different from other. I don’t do things just because everyone else is doing it and at the same time I do things which I feel is right even if others are against it.

Whatever we are now is based on what we were in our childhood. Whatever we can do is a gift our childishness has given us. So, never hide your “real” self. Never pretend to be what you are not. Let it go out freely and explore new things in every walk of like. If you are able to see colors even in the darkest corner of the Earth, if you are able to listen to the sweet melodies amidst the Hustle bustle of Life and if you are able to smile even in the toughest times of Life then don’t worry a bit. You are actually going in the right path. Until or unless you are not going against your consciousness, you needn’t worry about anything else.

Now before I conclude this article I would like to point out few real time advantages of being childish.

1. You are never bored of life.

2. You’ll have the attitude of taking life easy.

3. You always have the positive attitude to learn new things.

4. If someone barks at you, you will never panic but you will start imagining him or her wearing a pony tail or having a long nose. That’s it, see you have a reason to smile.

5. You are always away from the darker side of mankind like jealousy, hatred, selfishness, unwanted things etc. instead you are always ready to help others with an open mind.

6. You will be able to make your own identity in this world just because you are able to think differently.

7. You will be able to impress anybody just within seconds Coz your speaking your heart.

8. While you smile and laugh you can make others also enjoy the happiness of life.

9. You will never feel lonely coz you’ll always be surrounded with friends.

10. Children will love you to the core of their heart. And that’s the greatest pleasure. Coz a child’s love is equal to God’s love. There is always truth and innocence in that love and that’s the real love.

11. Last but not the least; you will have the courage to take disappointments with the same cheer as you take success coz you are always ready to learn the hard lessons life with a smile.

Therefore, never hide your childishness. Give it a space to grow within you. And always be proud of what you are. Ho...Ho...Ho…Am Proud of what I am. ;)

O mind, you are little crazy!

O mind, you are little crazy!
Only you know what you think!
Only you know what you think, o crazy!
Why are you showing me dreams in day and night?
When the dreams pour down as drops, filling my eyes,
When the dreams pour down as drops, covering my eyes,
How could I walk??
I can't see the unknown paths.
Some string instrument is playing,
Some string instrument is saying it slowly,
Slowly some string instrument is saying,
Some string instrument is playing.
Losing my consciousness I am listening to some story
What is whole story who knows?
Becoming someone's I didn't know
Is it a season of moment or will it stay forever?
Who knows? Who knows?

Sai is my Faith

I am very happy because Baba wants me to share my wonderful experience with you. I don’t know how to start. For me Baba is my faith and my strength. I have always shared all my feelings with him alone. He is my “Everything”.

When I was a child, my mother used to read Baba’s stories from story books to me. I used to like it very much. My Faith in Baba grew as I grew.

During my childhood days, there were lots of problem in my home. I used to feel very sad. At that time I used to pray and cry to God. When I was in my 6^th standard, we had to face a very big problem. Both my parents were very sad and looking at them feeling sad, I also felt very sad. During that time, one of my relative gave a picture of Baba. At nights I used to cry for a long time (no one in my home knew this). I used to keep looking at the picture all the time and spoke to it. I started sharing all my feelings with that picture. Doing this made me feel better. I started feeling that God was sitting close to me and listening to whatever I was saying. I felt the warmth of a FATHER. From then onwards I started speaking to Baba.

The first miracle which happened was during my 10^th public examination. I was just an average learning kid, used to get only between 60% and 70%. I tried my best in the public examination. After writing my exams I thought I’ll get only about 80%. The important thing was that, I wanted to get above 80% in Hindi. Because my Hindi teacher said that she will allow me to take Hindi in 11^th only if I get above 80% and so I tried my best to get that mark. But the question paper was very tough. After writing my Hindi paper, I felt very sad and disappointed. I knew that I’ll not get more than 80%.

I prayed to Baba very sincerely and devotedly wrote “OM SAI RAM” daily during those post exam holidays. I asked him to give me at least 80% in all the papers, especially in Hindi. And yes, do you know what happened..????? I got overall 91% and School first in Hindi with 97%..! I still don’t know how to express my happiness. My happiness knew no bounds. It was overwhelming. Only Baba will know how happy I was. The true reason for my happiness was not because I got 97% in Hindi, but it was that, my faith in Baba won. It was for the first time when Baba showed me how much he loved me [J]. Even if I think about it now…..I feel so very happy. I thanked Baba for his love and blessing [J] and I still keep thanking him for that. JAI SAI RAM. [J]

The similar thing happened when I was in 12^th also. I thank Baba for that too. There are many more miracles which happened in my life so far. Starting from very small things till the job which I got is all due to him alone. Each day in my life is due to his blessing. I would like to share two other such incidences when, Baba showed me how much he loves and cares for me.

When I was in my 3^rd year of college, I had to write an exam in NIIT. I needed my NIIT ID card to write that exam. I searched for it all over the place but couldn’t find it. The next day I had the exam. I normally keep my things very carefully but didn’t know where it went. I was damn scared. I knew very well that I’ll get a big blast from my father if he comes to know this. I then started praying to Baba. I said “Baba, I don’t know where I put my ID card, I have an exam tomorrow and I need it somehow”, “Please help me Baba”. Then a thought flashed. I remembered that there was a facility in NIIT to get a new ID card but even for that I need my passport size photo. All my photos were with my dad. He kept it somewhere safely but I was damn scared to ask him for that. I again started praying to baba…I said “Baba, please help me to get those photos, am damn scared to ask daddy this, please help me baba…I promise you that I’ll keep the ID card safely…..please help me to get those photos baba…please……..” I almost had tears in my eyes. I was sitting all alone in the hall and my dad and mom were busy doing something. I was totally lost in this thought. I kept asking Baba to help me get the ID card or at least those photos. You know what happened..??????? As I was thinking this, my dad came to me and handed a packet and asked me to keep it safely. I was stunned. I looked at the envelope. It had my passport size photographs. For a minute I didn’t know how to react. Only just few seconds ago, I was asking Baba to show me where those photographs where and now I had it in my hand and that to my father himself came and gave it to me. I didn’t speak to him about those photographs then what made him come and give it to me at that time..????? It was Baba’s miracle. He showed me that he is there with me. I went to my room and started thanking Baba for his blessing and for the love he had for me. I almost went mad with joy [J]. That day evening I went and got my new ID. I was on cloud nine [J] and kept thanking Baba.

The next incidence is that when I was in Bangalore, at my grandparent’s place. I was in the terrace reading a book–Sai Baba, The immaculate saint of Shirdi by Dr. Dayanand S.Rao. As I was reading this book I just wished if I could go to Baba’s temple before leavingBangalore the next day. I didn’t know whom to ask. Both my grandparents were very busy and my uncle too was very busy with his job. He used to come home late, exhausted. I didn’t want to disturb him and so heaving a heavy sigh I continued reading. I thought maybe it was just not possible.

That day evening when I was packing my things, my aunt called me and said that my uncle came from office and was waiting for me outside the house. She said that he wanted to ask me something. I went outside the house and found my uncle waiting for me. As soon as he saw me he asked me Do you want to go to Baba’s temple now..??? I was surprised at that question and without any hesitation said YES with a broad smile [J]. I was very happy and excited. He didn’t even come inside the house but immediately took me to Baba’s temple. [J]. How did he know that I wanted to go to Baba’s temple….??????[J] you must have guessed the answer this time…. [J] When I reached Baba’s temple, I immediately went and stood in the long queue…I wanted to see baba. In my excitement I forgot to get flowers for Baba. I looked at all the flowers which all the other devotees hand in their hands. They were lovely. I couldn’t go out of the line then. So I was just imagining myself to be holding flowers in my hands for Baba. As I was getting close to Baba in the queue….I suddenly looked down and found a beautiful rose. It was just a single rose. It was very fresh and beautiful. I took it in my hand and felt some kind of joy flow into me. It was not crushed nor was it tampered. The devotees in front of me didn’t have any flowers in their hands and then how come that little flower was fallen there without getting stamped by any feet…????? I took that flower and placed it on Baba’s feet. The joy which I had at that moment cannot be put in wordings. I was so happy. I was there in the temple till my heart felt contented [J].

These incidents might be just very small examples of Baba’s love for his devotees but for me these memories are treasures and I value these memories more than my life. The next incident which I would like to share with you is the biggest miracle that has ever happened in my life.

I normally don’t like to see God in idol form. But yes, I like to go to Baba’s temple. [J] For me he is within my heart, “alive”. I speak to him and he listens patiently to whatever I say. I always wanted to go to Shirdi. I kept asking my parents to take me to Shirdi and yes, the opportunity came when I was in my 3^rd year of college (i.e., 15^th May 2007). I was damn excited to go to Shirdi. The night before our journey, I prayed to Baba sincerely with tears that, I wanted to see him in the form he was, “alive”. I don’t know how I asked such a thing. But yes, I asked him this. I said “Baba, I don’t want to see you in the idol form, but I want to see you in the form you were, many years ago, alive…………in Dwarakamayi”, “will I be able to see you baba?” “Will you show me yourself alive Baba?” “ I wont feel happy if I return from Shirdi without seeing you……I don’t know if I am that blessed but still I want to see you alive……just one glance at you is more than enough for me…….” I pleaded him.

The next day we started to Shirdi. We reached Kopergaon on 16^th May. From Kopergaon, we had to take a local vehicle to Shirdi. The drivers there were asking too much, about Rs 300-350. But by God’s grace we got an auto. The person was very sweet and he took only Rs.100. In the auto, I was feeling as if Baba was very close to me. I didn’t know the reason. He also helped us to get a room in a hotel. He was with us till we settled comfortably and also he didn’t take more than Rs. 100. I felt that Baba himself sent that person to help us. I was feeling very happy.

The next day, we went to get Baba’s darshan. We first went to Dwarakamayi. The queue was a bit long. As I moved in, I kept admiring all the things which were there. I saw the Dhunni and then came to the other side of the room, opposite to the door. At that corner, I saw a Fakir sitting. He was wearing a white robe and there was not even a single stain on it. He wore a white cloth around his head, his face was wrinkled and eyes were blue. He held a thali (plate) in one hand. The other hand was shaking with one finger pointing upwards. He looked at me directly into my eyes. I still remember those blue eyes. It was as though he knew me so well. His face was very calm. As soon as I saw that him, my heart gave a big leap. My heart said “Sai Baba” and started pounding hard. But then my ignorant self said “no it cannot be….he must be a fakir baba”. “Anyway Baba is in all and so I bow to you also fakir Baba, Sai Ram” saying this to myself I left. After returning home….I was feeling very sad. I didn’t feel contented. My heart kept saying that I missed something very precious. But I didn’t realize what it was.

Every time I kept thinking about Baba and used to ask him why I was not able to see him?? Every time I thought this, the vision of that fakir Baba kept flashing in my mind. Suddenly I went to my mother and sister and asked them if they saw a Fakir Baba inside Dwarakamayi, but they said “NO”. I almost started crying…I went and looked at Baba’s original Picture which I bought in Shirdi….only then did I realize that the Fakir baba was non other than My Sweet Sai Baba. I didn’t know whether to smile or to cry….! Baba was there….before me…looking at me….! But me….I just walked off….! [L]

Baba was there…sitting…like a normal human..! I thought my sister and parents also saw him….but NO, Baba showed himself to me but I didn’t realize it..![L] After that I cried a lot and asked Baba to forgive me. I asked forgiveness for my ignorance. But at times I feel so happy that I saw Baba. Baba fulfills his devotee’s wishes. He is there all the time……around us….within us…! But we need to realize this fact. I don’t know if Baba will give me another chance, but I know now that he is listening to all what I say and knows all that I do. He loves me very much and not only me but all those who have a very strong faith in him. All that we need to have is Sradha (devotion) and Saburi (patience).

My wish is that I want Baba to speak to me. I just want him to say something to me….just something…..but I want to hear his voice at least once before I go into the sands. If I see him again am sure that I’ll not be able to say anything because of the joy. I’ll only have tears in my eyes. If at all I ask something to him, it will be that, I will ask him to take me away with him…..somewhere far from this earth and far from everybody. [J] I just want to disappear into the space with him. He is my Guru, my father, my mother, my best friend and my everything. I just ask him sorry for all the stupid things which I did in my life till now. I disobeyed him more than thousand times but still he loves me to the core of his heart. I too Love U Baba..! I Love u very much..! Baba, please don’t leave me anywhere and go………!